gryffindortimelord:

The Little Engine That Could

Once upon a time, deep, deep in the jungle, there was a little engine that could. He was chuggin’ his way across the enemy line.
“Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga toot toot!”
This little engine’s mission was to take some AK-47 and nuclear pay load over the mountain to the 2063 Platoon. Needless to say, there was plenty opposition. Think that stop the little engine that could? No sir-rey-bob, he just kept chuggin along.
“Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga toot toot!”
Not even when they climbed aboard the train, popped out the eyes of the conductor, blood and snot was drippin’ out his eye sockets. Think that stopped the little engine that could? Damn skippy. He just kept chuggin’ along..
“Chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga. toot toot!”
Wasn’t ‘till Charlie rigged the bridge with plastic explosives, just as the little engine that could was makin his way cross the tressle…
BOOM!
A ‘splosion happen. Blood n’ guts n’ spittin’ ass was everywhere. N’ Bubba come crawlin’ out the back door, both legs missin’. Lula May’s baby boy.
He looks up at me, he says ‘Payne. I cant feel muh legs!’
I said ‘Bubba. They ain’t there!’ I look down, and them little bloody nubs was kickin’ real fast like this here, and I says ‘Bubba. it’s 30 miles ‘till the nearest town. Unless you can flip upside down and walk on your hands you ain’t gonna make it!’
All of a sudden, Charlie was all over the place! Just me an my side arm an I had no other alternative but to blast my way out.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

DIE PIG DIE YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MAJOR BENSON WINIFRED PAYNE ALIVE!! BAM!! I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIEND!! BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!